Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying what's left of the weekend! It has been an interesting couple of weeks for me- that's for sure. I have been having some emotional ups and downs- most of them having nothing to do with crossfit at all, so if you're not interested. Disclaimer- this might get emotional- be prepared! haha.
That being said- I know I've probably asked people this on an individual basis before, but have you guys ever had anyone make you feel awful about your choice to do crossfit? I've been getting a lot of negativity from family members and coworkers and it makes me so mad. I know I should just learn to let the comments go, but it would be nice if I could get a little support. I try and explain why it means a lot to me and all I get is "Well I think you should just be doing cardio" or "Why would you do something that makes you so sore and gives you bruises?" It's so frustrating to hear these things over and over. I've been trying really hard to just let it go, but there are days where I get so mad and want to tell everyone to eff off. You would think at least my family would be a little supportive- I mean, this is the longest I've stuck with a program & actually been excited to go work out! But that's not good enough. I guess I need to learn that I need to make myself happy and stop trying to make everyone else happy. It's tough though.
I've recently been getting into meditation and self reflection, and I can honestly say, it is helping with every day things. My personality is to very much help everyone around me and make sure that they like me- or that I get accepted by everyone. But there are sometimes where I need to realize that I need the help and I don't need to try so hard. The people who truly understand me and get me will still be friends with me, even if I don't go that extra mile for them. I just constantly have this feeling that I have to fit in- and sometimes I stretch myself way beyond what I really want to do. For example, if there's a day that I have planned a day off from going to a WOD, if one of my friends texts me and asks me if I'm going and I say no- I automatically feel guilty and feel like I'm letting them down. But in reality, they don't care as much as I think they do. I don't know- I just need to get it together & stop trying to please everyone- and just focus on me for a while.
As usual, I've been having an awful time in the dating world...along with most of my single girlfriends! I just don't get what the problem is. I don't want to sound cocky, but I think I'm a pretty decent catch- come from a good family, job, car, cook, bake, funny, pretty decent head on my shoulders, oh and I crossfit! I just don't get it. I find myself going on the online dating sites just for laughs now, since I can't seem to find anything sustainable. I guess I'll have to let that part of my life play out too, but now I'm getting older, and it's just hard to think that I may be single for the rest of my life. I know I wouldn't be lonely, but I would have that longing to have someone to spend time with that wasn't my family- haha.
On to the crossfit part of this- things have been going fairly well- I've had a ton of PRs over the last few weeks- with all of those benchmark workouts! Which is really awesome. I'm proud of where I am, but sometimes I get so jealous and discouraged when I see people who just started or started after me be able to get a pull up, or throw more weight on the bar than me. It blows. I know I need to just be competing with myself, but it really sucks to feel like I'm still at the place I was when I first started- and am constantly struggling with things. Nothing for me is ever easy. Sometimes that's a good thing, but sometimes it sucks, and it makes you sad and cry.
Even though I've been having a tough time on my own, there are people that have it way worse than me, and I'm grateful that I have such a strong community around me, to help me rally and take away my emotional mess status for at least that one hour that I'm at the box. I really know I say it all the time, but it's important for me to say it this week, especially- I'm so incredibly grateful for my crossfit family. I have no clue what I would do without you all, and I am so glad I have each and everyone of you in my life. Life can be pretty tough sometimes, but when you find people around you that love you for no reason at all- just because you are you, it's pretty amazing. I can't even begin to name everyone that has been an integral part of my crossfit life, but this week Sharon, Elena, Michael, Mike, Colleen M, Kaylee, Harrison, Eats, Lenore, Michelle, Jeff, Chris, Hill, Phil & Alex have shown me what it means to have an anchor and incredible support system in my life. Now, I better get to bed- 4:30a will be here before I know it! Enjoy the week!
P.S.- Regionals are coming up soon and I'm SO excited. I can't wait to see so many amazing athletes competing right in front of me. Although, I am sad that my main squeeze, Rich isn't part of the NorthEast region, I guess the other ripped up guys will have to do! hahahaha
<3 AA
