BIG news!

Hi!
It's been quite a while since I sat down and shared my thoughts with you guys! I will be getting back to a regular blogging schedule soon!!
So, I have had this post written for a few weeks. I just haven't been able to publish it, because I fear the comments that people will have toward it. But finally I decided that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks- it only matters what I think!

As most of you know, my weight has been a lifelong struggle. I've been heavy pretty much my whole life. I suffer from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), thyroid problems, knee problems, anxiety, and depression.

What most of you don't know is that I had a failed attempt at weight loss surgery many years ago. It was my freshmen year in college & I wasn't really sure what I was doing. I went through all of the pre-surgery requirements, appointments with nutritionists and psychologists. I thought I was ready for this supposed "new lease on life." Man, was I wrong. I had LapBand surgery- where a band is placed around your stomach to make a new, smaller pouch. The doctor can access it to inject saline to restrict the amount of food that can go in. I had the surgery over Christmas break.

I was not prepared for the discomfort I felt with the band & how awful the "fills" would make me feel. I became even more depressed when the weight didn't come pouring off. At that time, I wasn't doing any sort of physical activity- just walking to and from class and clinical. The doctor that performed my surgery stopped following up with me after about a year, so I just forgot about it too. I lost no weight, in fact, I gained some...a lot. While it was partly the doctor's fault and partly my fault, I felt completely hopeless. I couldn't even manage to lose weight with surgical intervention. Now I was a complete failure. I felt like I let down my family and myself.

I continued to gain weight all through college despite the band. I thought to myself, oh I'll lose weight once I'm done with school and have a grown up job! NOT! I tried many different weight loss programs, to no avail. Finally, I found CrossFit, and I can honestly say it's the one thing that I have stuck with for longer than a few months. When I initially started at RCFBC, things were great- I was losing weight and my body was changing. Until I hit a plateau. The weights I lifted were getting heavier, and so was I. I tried going back to paleo life, but I felt more sluggish. I tried doing Zone & I couldn't really devote the time that is required for that.

I recently had my physical with my doctor, and that's when things took a turn. My iron was super low (currently getting infusions) my knee hurt, and I just felt like shit (pardon my French). My doctor has always suggested I get gastric bypass surgery- literally at every visit. I have been vehemently against it, because of my experience from the previous surgery, and because I'm scared that something will happen and I won't wake up from surgery. She suggested I see an ortho for my knee. Seeing him is what triggered this whole thing. He told me that I would need a total knee replacement soon. SOON. I'm 29 years old. This is not what is supposed to be happening. Then he asked me if I had considered gastric bypass surgery. The knee doctor wanted me to lose weight too. It wouldn't guarantee my knee problems would be fixed, but it could prevent the other one from breaking down too. I started crying (per usual) in his office. I can't believe that this is happening to me. I wore out my knee in 29 years. That's awful.

Ever since that appointment, I have been researching and talking with close friends about their opinions on surgery. If I decided to have gastric bypass surgery, my case would be a little more complicated. They would have to remove the band, then perform the other surgery. Much more involved than your standard bypass. I've joined forums and websites on gastric revision surgery- just to see what other people in my shoes are thinking or doing. And they are all happy. They are happy with their decision to get rid of the foreign object in their body. They are happy with the new person they've become. They said it's the best thing they've ever done. I can't seem to find any negative stories (although I know they are out there).

I am reluctant to share my decision with you all, but since you've already read up to this point, I guess it's fair. I've decided to have gastric sleeve revision surgery. With all of my existing medical issues (mainly the PCOS) there is no way I'll be able to lose the large amount of weight that I need to get rid of. There- I said it. I feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off of my shoulders. I've been carrying it around for a few months now.
Gastric sleeve surgery is when they cut your stomach to the size of a banana. There is no rerouting of the intestines, so there are no absorption issues. I would of course have to get the band removed as well.

I have new patient orientation on July 9th at Mass General. I'm scared and excited. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm still in the very early stages of everything. I don't even have a surgeon assigned to me yet!
Just like anything out there- this is only a crutch. I have to put in the work and dedication to get this to work. I know that this time is different than before. I feel different already.
I'm scared that I will lose all of the hard work I've put into CF. I won't be able to lift heavy for a long time after surgery. I'll lose everything I've worked for. On the other hand, if I am smaller, I'll be able to do more bodyweight exercises, so I guess that's a plus. I'll have to be scaled to the max following surgery, but that's okay. I know the amazing coaches at RCFBC will make sure that I get a great workout!

This is going to be hard. It's going to be different. And I'm going to need all of the support I can get. I'm hoping that the people that I call my friends now will not look down on me & make me feel bad about this decision. I hope my RCFBC will be supportive, but if they aren't, I'll have to come to terms with that.
There will be several appointments with a nutrionist, psychologist and doctor before anything happens. I'm going to one of the best hospitals in the world, so I know I'll be in good hands!

I'll post more after the new patient orientation. I'll have a clearer picture of things after that!

Thank you all for your continued support. I'm looking forward to this new life and I can't wait to share it with you all!


I'm not quite ready to talk about it in real life yet, so if you wish to show your support, a squeeze of the shoulder, a hug, or a high five will do. If you do NOT wish to support me, please keep your thoughts to yourself. There is enough negativity in this world, and I just don't need any more! I appreciate all of the support and love from you all!!


-AA <3 <3

The Open!

Hi!

It's been a while and things have been nuts! The CrossFit Open is over (sad face) and I find myself a little sad on Thursday nights at 8pm! I'm still amazed that there were NO BURPEES!!! Definitely won that one haha! 

Anywho, CrossFit HQ recently announced an essay contest having to do with the open, and how community is a huge part of it. While I was not chosen, I still wanted to share my story with you all. I've said it a million times, but there is nothing quite like the feeling of the box during the Open wods- it's electric. I would be lost without the amazing support of the whole Bare Cove crew! Much love! Without further adieu, here it is!

The CrossFit Games Open is an exciting and challenging sporting competition that CrossFit enthusiasts all over the globe look forward to every year. After intense training sessions throughout the year, CrossFit athletes convene at the Open and measure their fitness by competing against each other to determine the best athlete in our sport.

As an overweight woman, I never envisioned myself participating in an event like the Open. I never felt like I could be a part of the CrossFit community. But, two years ago, I plucked up enough courage to join Reebok CrossFit Bare Cove in Hingham, MA. Head coach, Mike LeJeune, calmed my fears of inadequacy by assuring me that all movements were scalable and that even "I" would be able to compete in the Open. Mike, along with my other coaches, have always encouraged me to try new movements 

even if I didn't get them on the first try. During one of my first Open workouts, getting one 20in box step up was an obstacle for me. Despite the encouragement of my judge, Lenore, I was unable to conquer the box. Tears streamed down my face. Another coach, Lauren, suggested I approach the box a different way and before I knew it, I was on top of that box! Once time was called, I was met with cheers and claps from my coaches and other members of the CrossFit community. 

I am constantly reminded and surprised at what I am able achieve with hard work and effort. I can't help but feel a sense of community and belonging when complete strangers gather together at this event and cheer me on as well as each other. Because of my efforts and their support, here I am, in 2015, participating in my third Open.

This year, just as in years past, the energy at the box is electric during the Open. There is an air of anxiety and anticipation on Thursday night before the WOD is released.. I wait patiently to see THE Dave Castro step out on to the competition floor. He announces the WOD and relief rushes over me when I find out I don’t have double unders! Saturday morning, we are all dedicated to the Open workouts. I take this opportunity to chat with everyone there, from the retired Marine, to the mom of two, and ask what their 

approach is going to be to get through the WOD. The coaches brief us and give us their tips and tricks on how we should go after it. Though we all have varying abilities and are competing at different levels, we are all coming together for the same reason: to achieve something greater than we achieved yesterday. That’s what the Open is all about. It’s about striving to be better. It's about overcoming fears. And, it's about harnessing the energy, support, and encouragement of our CrossFit family from near and far and 

using it all to propel us forward. We band together and "embrace the suck." We root for each other and relish in our great accomplishments.

During 15.2- OHS! 

During the 2014 Open- So many happy tears! <3

Saturday AM Open throwdown! 

Snow depression, The Open, & other things!

Hi everyone!

It's been a while since my last post! I hope everyone is well! I've been sort of in a funk. This snow and cold has put me in a funk. All I want to do is snuggle in bed, wear sweatpants, and eat. Because of this seasonal depression, my WOD schedule has been affected. I've been skipping out on wods or cherry picking which wods I do go to. With the start of the CrossFit Open, I decided that I have to get it together. I can't stop moving forward because of the weather. Snow ain't got nothin' on me!


Speaking of the CrossFit Open, I hope all you fellow wodders are signed up! For those of you that don't know what the Open is, It's 5 weeks long test of fitness. Each Thursday, the workout of the week is announced, and you have until Monday to complete the workout, and submit your scores. There is a scaled and RX division this year.

The open is awesome. You push yourself harder than you ever would. You throw up more weight than you ever though possible. You move faster. You accomplish more. For me, I am in a constant state of panic on Thursdays until the workout is announced! I know I'm not going to the games, but for some reason, I get this anxiety thinking about it. I always go to that place where I doubt my abilities and fear the workouts. The first workout was announced last week, and my heart instantly sank. Here's what Dave Castro, the head games maker (He's basically Seneca Crane, for anyone who read the hunger games!):

9-minute AMRAP:

15 toes-to-bars / hanging knee raise (scaled)

10 deadlifts

5 snatches

(M 115 lb/75. / F 75/ 55 lb.)

Workout Part A

1-rep-max clean and jerk

6-minute time cap

Toes to bar? Really, Dave Castro? That's what you put first???? I started crying...I feel like I cry way too much at CrossFit- that's another issue haha. Hanging on to the rig and grip strength are two of my many goats. It's hard to hold this much up there for an extended period of time. The most time I've ever clocked hanging on the rig was around 40 seconds. So to think that I would have to not only hang on the rig, but bring my legs up at the same time- I already felt defeated. I was texting my awesome friend, Lizzie during the announcement and of course I was freaking out. She sent me something that really stuck with me, and helped me really collect myself and realize that I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for. She said "Braver than you believe and stronger than you seem, always and everyday." It's something that will stick with me forever. So thanks for that Lizzie! <3

Now came the time- time for the workout! Of course I was panicking! But I pulled it together- chalked up my hands, put some gloves on, chalked the gloves and chalked the bar. It was 3,2,1, GO and off we went! I had to do fast singles on the hanging knee raises. The deadlift and snatches were light weight, so I busted through them. Before I knew it, the first part of the workout was over. I had completed more than my goal of one knee raise. Like way more- like 92 reps total more. I was so excited. But I had to complete the second part before I started celebrating! After a few attempts, I ended up getting a 110lb Clean and Jerk. I couldn't have been more happy! The smile on my face and pep in my step was so great. 

Hand tears and all! Post WOD!

All I could think was, why did I doubt myself so much? I should know by now that I am capable of so much more! I have to start believing in myself more. 

Most unflattering pic, but so awesome!! 

So now, we're on to week 2, and the panic is back! I won't be able to relax until I know what the wod is!

In addition to the beginning of the CrossFit games season, this past weekend I participated in my first ever bike time trial. Sometimes I wonder how I get myself involved in these things, but I'm glad that I did! Mike M, one of our amazing coaches and an avid cyclist set up an amazing event. I don't even have a bike- I haven't been on one in years, except for the Air Assault bike, which is the devil. Luckily, my friends Hill and Phil had a road bike that I could borrow for the event. This was a legit bike- like intense gears and an awfully hard seat! Mike M hooked me up with his bike expertise and tried to teach me the gears, Spoiler alert: I couldn't remember what they were when it was time for the actual event! Luckily, Coach Ali was there to help! They hooked the bikes up to this trainer thing- it was pretty cool. It was a 6 mile ride with all sorts of elevations, etc. Maybe 10 minutes into the ride, my knees were killing me, and even though I was pedaling, the ride was very jerky. I decided to hop off and finish my ride on the assault bike. While I felt like I was giving up or disappointing Mike, I think it was a good decision. We would've been there all day! There's always next year!

Along with getting back on my regular crossfit schedule, I decided today that I need help getting back on my meal plan schedule. A couple of months ago, my awesome coach Kaylee (who is also my girl crush! haha) helped me make meal plans and actually stick to them. So I will be going back to that schedule with her, starting on Monday. I'm looking forward to getting my groove back! I'm hoping that with these positive changes, I'll be able to let go of this blah feeling I've been having.

Good luck to anyone doing the open- I hope it's a good one! Here's to getting out of our comfort zones, and making ourselves proud!

XOXO- AA